LAUSANNE, SWITZERLAND—In the wake of two straight Olympics with record-low TV ratings, an increasingly desperate International Olympic Committee announced plans Friday to increase viewership by adding skinny-dipping to the 2024 Summer Games in Paris.
“As times and tastes change, the Olympics are no different, which is why we’re giving viewers young and old alike a chance to watch the most ripped, nubile nude athletes compete to bring home the skinny-dipping gold,” said IOC president Thomas Bach, describing how the committee fast-tracked several skinny-dipping events—including pairs, synchronized, and 400-meter-relay skinny-dipping—so that each nation’s sexiest, most desirable athletes could train over the next two years. “These events will of course be broadcast live and with no censorship whatsoever. We’ll be working with our television and internet streaming providers to offer comprehensive underwater coverage of these outstanding, totally nude athletes as they seek Olympic glory. Who knows what they’ll get up to in the crystal-clear waters of our giant Olympic pools? You won’t want to miss the most supple, alluring, completely undressed athletes the world has ever seen.” Skinny-dipping is reportedly one of several new, more sensational changes to the Games, with the IOC also modifying rules for dressage events to mandate that all competitors must be nude and riding bareback on a horse.